The Alleged Hooligans
In a move that mirrors the potential arrest and prosecution of Olympic Gold Medalist, Michael Phelps after the publishing of the now infamous bong photo in a British tabloid, Carbon County officials in Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania are considering charges against the publisher and marketing director of the on-line magazine American Public House Review. State and local law enforcement were put on high alert after a series of damning photographs appeared on the Internet.
According to one high ranking source, who wished to remain anonymous, these images expose the kind of monkeyshines and shenanigans that the decent citizens of Jim Thorpe can not and will not tolerate. He went on to say, “I will doggedly pursue these recalcitrant rascals…and these hooligans will be brought to justice.”
Secret court documents found in a briefcase under the third bar stool at the Molly Maguire’s Pub allege that after consuming copious amounts of Irish Whiskey at an undisclosed location in Jim Thorpe during last year’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade, the two gentleman targeted in this investigation, Chris Poh and David McBride attempted to disrupt and lay seige to the grand procession down Broadway. The photographic evidence indicates that there were efforts made to sabotage a pipe band which led to the eventual armed conflit.
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We'll Get Those Two Rascals
Sponsors for these two giants of the fourth estate, (several distilleries and a couple of breweries) said that they would stand behind their men… or wherever necessary in order to hold them up. When reached for comment, neither had much to say other than vowing to return for this year’s parade.
See you in Jim Thorpe on March 15th!
Posted by: Dunmore Throop
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