In a surprise move today, officials at NASA announced that they were considering lifting the centuries old ban on the importation and consumption of Romulan Ale in our solar system. Speculation is that the development of a beer that can be safely consumed during spaceflights, by 4 Pines Brewing of Australia, may have prompted the possible shift in policy.
Even going back to the early years of the Mercury and Gemini Programs, it was a popular belief that beer was not included as part of an astronaut’s regular ration because of the undue stress that would be placed on the fluid removal apparatus. Apparently though, the real problem was on the other end. Scientist now know that when a human burps while in zero-g not only will gases be released, but also the liquid content of the stomach will also be discharged. The high content of carbon dioxide in beer made it a dangerous candidate for space travel. To overcome this obstacle, the brewers at 4 Pines developed a low carbonated version of their popular stout. Both scientists and astronauts alike are overjoyed at the prospect of having something else to drink other than Tang or Saurian Brandy.
In a statement released to the press, the junior assistant deputy director at NASA had this to say. “Today marks our greatest accomplishment since the Brits brewed an IPA that could stand up to the rigors of long ocean voyages, thus allowing England to explore and expand its reach. Like their distant cousins, the Aussies have given us a brew that will allow us to further our exploration of space, and expand our own reach into the heavens. For wherever there is beer–there is man, a couch, and probably a television set.”
In a communique from the future, the Romulan ambassador said he would have prefered to have dealt with The United Federation of Planets, but was still pleased with NASA’s consideration to lift the ban on their ale. He went on to state that since their beer is cask-conditioned it never posed a threat to humans in the first place. He also added that Romulans never burp, and just because we might be drinking their beer, we shouldn’t expect to get the plans for the cloaking device anytime soon.
Posted by: Chris Poh